I am what I think....

Rockstar

2012-02-27T05:11:00.006-05:00

I watched Rockstar over the weekend. By this time movie's fate is well known, RK has won several awards for Best Actor, ARR's music which was topping the charts has won awards, Irshad Kamil has won award for lyrics and so on. So when I started watching the movie I knew I was in for a treat. I had always liked Ranbir Kapoor, I had loved all the songs, I could tolerate Nargis in trailors, so why not? But what those 2.5 hours of movie did to me was something I was not prepared for. End of it, I was tired, I was numb, I was restless, I was anguished, I kept on turning and twisting and couldn't sleep well through the night (until I woke my husband and spoke with him again about the movie and lots more). Here is what stayed back with me after the movie:

* The movie opens and closes with Rumi's quote:
"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there." - Rumi
I have all along believed this. I have believed that there is field beyond all the prides and prejudices we live by - waiting to welcome all of us.

* The major theme around which the movie revolves is the Sufi ideology that pain and suffering produces art that is usually beyond normal human capacity. I am stuck with this question. Is it true? How much does one go through? Is there a way back? does joy of creating a great piece of art compensate for the pain? I don't know the answers to this, all I feel is small and insignificant.

* Its a turbulent story of Jordan who goes through spikes of love and loss, fame and misfortune, self-awakening and self-destruction, enlightenment and illusions. But above all its a story about Love. The most powerful yet least internalised element of our lives - Love. Its an blindingly powerful love story. I was not prepared for it and as I suspect correctly even the characters were not ready for it. Love kept on happening to them and they kept dancing (and singing) to its tunes helplessly. Crying in the movies is not new to me. But this one movie, went beyond. Heart kept aching but tears didn't come out. All I had was a big vaccum by end of the movie.

* They say, 'Be wary of what you wish for, for it might come true'. Jordan wanted that one heartbeark to happen which would help him become a great musician. Ironically, at later point of time, he was willing to give up all the fame just to have his love back. Love always triumphs over everything else !!

* Music is outrageous. I am not even sure if I am qualified to comment on music. All I know is, never before music was so soul-stirring, lyrics were so befitting and voices were so divine. This is undoubtedly Mohit Chauhan's best. Sometimes I went so mesmerised that I could not make out where his voice ended and the music began. Hava-Hava surely is a lyricist's song. Kun Faya Kun where Jordan finally realised the power of music - every time I watch that particular moment, my heart stops beating. 'Tum Ho' doesn't belong to earth, its a song of Heavens. Jugalbandi between Ustadji and Jordan was no mean feat - one poised, spiritual; other one natural, animal like. Music could personify both of them. So aptly named 'Dichotomy of Fame'.

* Ranbir Kapoor breathed life into Jordan. He was intense yet vulnerable, he was innocent yet arrogant, he was thriving yet dying. Bollywood has some hope after all. Nargis and Heer both were good. She was the only colour in the movie rest everything was black, grey or brown. Jordan must have done something right with Heer that she felt like lowering her guards and sharing her innermost fantasies with him.

* But this is through and through director's movie. He knows how to handle complicated emotions. He knows how to paint strong willed, fierce and high spirited women characters better than anyone - be it Geet of JWM, Meera of LAK or Heer of Rockstar. He loves to show different landscapes like many other directors, but the difference is the locales in his movie do not stand out, they bear the same shades as that of the story. He is closely in touch with his sensitive side, how else could he handle - girls' desire to watch desi-porn or get drunk on desi daroo or wanting to draw the line or the way they dealt with their sexual urges - so elegantly? He has messed up a bit when he chose such a complex way of telling his story, editing could have been finer but what the heck..

(There is a scope for nitpicking too. But you know what.. My dear friend AA once said to me 'Never question good things'. I am listening to him...)

10 reasons why I recommend EMAET?

2012-02-15T08:01:00.006-05:00

I don't know if you know that I take movies seriously, Very !!! They have to make sense to me else I actually feel cheated. There is always a post-mortem of movies that I do but have never bothered to put anything on record.

Now let me get straight to the point. 10 reasons why I recommend Ek Main Aur Ek Tu.

1. One of the rare movies where a female lead inspite of being bindass, beautiful is not a brainless bimbo.
2. The movie where the guy doesn't shy away from admitting his failures, doesn't mind living with the 'rejection' and he does it with immense dignity.
3. There are 'hints' given and 'hints' taken and more importantly disconnect between the two. Have we not expereicned such disconnect in our lives?
4. There are no lies, no big drama. Everyone is true to themselves and to each other.
5. A very unlikely scenario in hindi movies where characters play their real (offscreen) age. Kareena looks older, acts mature and story never hides her age.
6. The life in US is closer to the reality than shown in most other movies.
7. The movie ends on a note of ambiguity, uncertainty telling us subtly that there are no easy answers to difficult questions.
8. The casting is bang on. Imraan's socialite mom, Kareena's cool catholic family - they fit so well in their own places.
9. Music - very fresh, very groovy and sooo foot-tapping. Dialogues are funny and the script is well written.
10. Its a relatively family-friendly movie. Not that I approve of Lavanya watching it. But its still far better than most other movies where I get forced to change the channels watching them along with elders (and kids) in the family.

On a slightly unrelated note, I am sooo inspired to get 'Talli' and why not, if thats going to result in such beautiful mistakes!!

What has mommy-hood taught me?

2011-11-23T10:10:00.005-05:00

My very sweet blogger friend and a super-mom Radhika tagged me to do this. Well, long ago. I slept on it for a long time. But this is an inspiring topic. As I start thinking about ‘what mommy-hood has taught me’ stream of thoughts start flowing in my mind, sometime to the extent of getting choked (literally)

I am going to take a small liberty of changing the original topic into ‘what mommy-hood did to me’ (besides of course a bit of paunch, a sweet tooth and one size larger clothes)

1. Once I became mother, I truly realized significance of my parents’ values. The certain acts that I grew up criticizing like being spend-thrift, being conscious-eaters, maintaining relationships (at heavy price), watching words (and temperaments) forgiving and moving on, persistence with children inspite us being rude and insensitive etc etc.
Today consciously and unconsciously I am doing what they did all those years and my heart sings loud ‘thanks’ to them every time. I have completely understood that though I criticized these values that time, somewhere I had already imbibed them. Today I pass them onto Lavanya without even slightest doubt.

Not just values but the small and big things they did. I never bothered to remember how my severely asthmatic father had run behind me, holding my cycle, helping me balance until I did it for my daughter. My mother was a working woman (that too in Government office where most of the staff is of semi-demonic nature), we didn't own a car, we didn't have fleet of maids (basically the support structure that we swear by today)- yet I never remember being abandoned by them. They paid close attention to our studies, our health, our food and everything else that was needed. I never acknowledged this to them or to myself until I started facing the rigour of situation.

2. I have learnt the hardway that everything turns out fine in the end, so live a regret-free life. In the last few years, lot of things have gone wrong or against my wishes – some horribly and some not so horribly. But I know that things always happen in their natural rhythm with some larger purpose and they just work out fine in the end. Now the question is, what motherhood got to do with this?
For initial years since Lavanya’s birth, I lived with this constant grief that I was not able to breast feed her. She was totally brought up on bottled lactogen. I hated myself for being unable to provide her which was most rightfully hers. I feared low immunity, lack of bonding between us and that she would never identify me as her mother unless someone teaches her. I regretted not having tried enough (that time I thought I did try very hard). But as far as I remember this was the last ever time I regretted. As she grew up I figured that we bonded just like any mother and child would, Lavnaya turned out to be as healthy, fit and active like any other child and she didn’t need any tutoring from anyone that ‘I’ was her mother.
That was the last ever time I regretted. I have learnt a lifetime lesson that if this can be rectified in its natural course, everything else can too.

3. I have learnt that, Grandparents have pivotal role in the life of any child. So, if your child has grandparents, hold onto them dearly. Even if your ideas (stolen from parenting books and internet) about parenting clash with theirs don’t deprive your child from love, attention, care and time s/he would get from the grandparents. Lavanya is positively influenced in many ways from both the sets of grandparents and I consider her lucky to have them around.

4. I have learnt that 'TIME' is the best gift I can give to my child. Be it time spent on cooking simple meals (instead of deploying maids), or organize birthday celebrations (instead of renting MacDonalds) or teaching her by wracking brains for simple/interesting ways or choreographing dances for her or teaching her help me with domestic chores or making cards along with her: in short, instead of finding means save time (and spend money), I prefer to do opposite. It pays off in the long run, I have already started experiencing that.

5. Motherhood made me care better for my health. I have become conscious of what I eat (well, I slip sometimes when my entire meal comprises of only Pani-puri and/or likes), of following exercise regime, of how overall my body functions or how my lifestyle is (in areas like eating out/late bedtimes/late wake-up times, binging on junk food etc). One reason is of course, I want to live longer. But more importantly I know that Lavanya is going to follow this if I do. All this is as much part of the value system as much honesty and truthfulness which should be passed onto her.

6. I have learnt that some questions have no or difficult answers. We need not resolve everything. I have started feeling more comfortable with uncertainty or ambiguity than before. ‘Time’ changes, situations changes with that problems change. Sometimes ‘letting go’ is a great option than holding onto things.

7. I can understand plausible challenges of single parents. Simply because, at our home, I cant ever imagine me doing parenting job single handedly. My significant other half is equally (Am I shying from saying ‘more’??) into it and there is no way I could have ever done what he does as a parent.

8. I have learnt that I need to blur the boundaries between men and women. I hate myself when I say to Lavanya that ‘Lets have Papa do it, because I cannot’. I don’t want her to have a feeling that men can do certain things and women can’t. So I put on brave mask and drill holes in the wall, drive Scorpio, tighten screws, lift heavy things, try hand at repairing things. I have long way to go considering Neeraj is completely DIY sorts of fellow. But I earnestly try.
Ofcourse there are more things to man-woman equality. Everything can be, should be and is done by everybody in the house. If I go out and work, Neeraj cooks, cleans toilets, irons clothes and gets her ready for school. So what does that mean? Does this mean that if she draws ‘my family’, she will not draw her mother working in the kitchen? Well, she might… but I am sure she is growing up seeing that while men and women have expertise in certain areas, there are no fixed territories and that she should not be tied down to/assumed to be performing certain roles as a natural way of life.

9. Last but not the least, this experience is teaching me that I will never be a perfect mother. That’s a very elusive phenomenon. I need to keep trying, try hard with all my might. But I need not worry about becoming ‘that’. It’s the process that’s so enjoyable. It’s the journey of making mistakes, learning through them, being taken by surprises, exploring myself is what makes it worth. She is growing up and we are growing with her as parents.

Thanks Radhika, I truly enjoyed writing this.

Obsession with 'Perfection'

2011-06-13T08:07:00.003-04:00

One of the many things, she did this summer, Lavanya attended Summer Camp. (A post on her summer vacation will follow)

Come March, every big (and am sure small too) city starts showing up hoardings/banners for Summer camp. The agenda there usually include dance, art n craft and music; few other items give n take. Since last couple of years, I have been saving myself from that frenzy. I have never had a reason to keep her engaged with anything like that. I was at home and we had loads to do.

But this summer, I gave in. Biggest reason being my job schedule, which demanded me to stay away first half of the day. Which means I needed to look for a 'good enough' alternative where she be taken care of while she spends quality time and learns something. We found this summer camp through someone's reference. Knowing Lavanya's aversion to anything strange, it required lot of efforts for us to convince her to go. She agreed and eventually we realised that she is enjoying it too. The last day of the camp was a day-long picnic to water park which was again a first time for her. She enjoyed that too (though in the beginning she had agreed to go for only 'half day picnic', which 6 year old does this?)

As their camp drew to closure, all the children were given away all the craft items they had made during the span of 20 odd days. You can find the pics below.

Glued Rangoli:

Ship made out of shoe-box:

Pot painting and paper-flowers:

Abstract painting:
Ice cream cone:

Photo frame:

Vegetable printing:
Glass painting:
Exhibition that she arranged before her father arrives:

Now you can call me whatever names, but I know what my daughter can do and what she can not. I asked her did you do all this, she said 'no, my teacher helped me'. For example, she was given vegetable cut out (which is fair) and asked to make shape of a necklace. The idea of 'necklace' , the outline everything was done by teachers, using okra prints was also teacher's idea. Same was the case with ice-cream cone using cotton balls or a shoe box. She painted the photo-frame but the glitter-spots were done by teacher. I asked her why she didn't do that part, she said, she was worried about spoiling it.

What I was left wondering was, what exactly Lavanya gained out of this? Besides a (phony) feel-good factor?

Of-course I am not only blaming those Summer-camp organisers. They of-course had to justify hefty money they had charged us by producing neat-looking stuff. But we do this mistake all the time. All the children's toys come with readymade guide so that they can make perfect things. With clay, Lavanya's favourite activity is to roll rotis, mix all the colours together in anticipation of 'new' colour and create some weird shapes. The moment she mixes all the colours together (to form a black-brown lump) everyone pounces on her and forces her to use moulds so that she creates perfect fish or a duck.

Yesterday we bought her a 'top' - again a perfect one, speed/performance guranteed. All the drawing books come with pre-drawn printed diagram in which children have to colour. Sometimes even colours are mentioned there and children have to exactly colour according to that.

Why nothing is left to their interpretation? What would happen if they colour elephant pink and frog yellow? What would happen if she uses her fingers instead of brushes to paint? Why am I teaching her that everything around her has to be 'perfect'? Why am I teaching her that every question will have easy answers?

6 years of pure magic...

2011-06-01T06:35:00.010-04:00

Yesterday Lavanya celebrated her 6th birthday.

Where did the years fly? I so wanted them to move in slow motion. So that I could freeze all those moments. I never wanted time to zoom past with the speed of bullet. But it did ...

Happy birthday my angel.. Lots of love and best of everything..

Wishes?? There are not too many which are unfulfilled (God has been kind that way). There are uncountable moments when we have swelled with pride and happiness because of her. What else to expect from a 6 year old.

PS: Can I trust you guys with my secret wish?

I am eagerly awaiting 4th June of 2016 when she would turn 11. All I am expecting is a owl on the balcony carrying a sealed envelope with her name signed by Hogwarts Headmaster inviting her to join the school. I am so confident that she is going to Gryffindor, where else would child who has skeleton in her room (named Bonnie), who has creepy (and smiley) snake for a toy and who all the time speaks her mind will be placed??

Did I mention she has muggle parents (but we are not dentists, so what?? I say !!) bushy hair, likes to hog attention all the time and has very few chosen friends...

Amen !!

50 things about me

2011-06-01T01:57:00.007-04:00

I don't know why I am writing this. Who would be interested? But then, that's what blogging is all about, rite?

I saw so many bloggers doing this, I want see if there is any thrill at all while I do this. Hence.

You can completely ignore this post, I won't hold it against you.

1. I love movies and movie making fascinates me.
2. I love to watch my husband when he watches comedy movies.
3. I think, I looked my 'lifetime best' when I was pregnant.
4. I hate saying 'bye'. Even after aging so much, I still don't know how to gracefully say 'bye'. I make it very tragic experience.
5. I have no role model ie no single role model. I want to become many things at various points of time. Sometimes I want to become Gulzaar, sometimes Sonu Nigam, sometimes MSD. I think there are many great human beings around me, I am lucky that way !!
6. Even today I enjoy reading the same children's books which I grew up reading.
7. I truly believe Kokan is the most beautiful place on this earth.
8. I am very lazy. VERY !
9. I did not make any best friends until I started working. My husband was my first 'best friend'. He knows even when I sneeze.
10. When I had a job, I wanted to quit and when I quit, I wanted a job.
11. I am penny stupid and pound foolish.
12. Over years I have evolved as a good cook.
13. I throw/bang things when I am angry.
14. I have married the greatest guy in the world and I have been blessed with best daughter in the whole universe.
15. I love smell of coffee.
16. I totally believe in past life. I believe we all come into each other's life for reason which is linked to our past.
17. The biggest thing I love about myself is that I can trust people easily.
18. I have great in-laws.
19. I love 'whites' and I am a 'virgo'
20. I want to do many things before I die: I want to wait at McDonalds, I want to host a travel show, I want to become a ticket collector, I want to own a coffee shop, I want to build a library with white picket fence, I want to own a pani-puri stall, become a movie critic..
21. In my dreams/visions, people I love die.
22. I would some day own a dog who would be looked after by my daughter.
23. Great conversations make my day.
24. I am not afraid of confrontations.
25. I cry in weddings (even when I am from boy's side), no matter how muchever I tell myself that its stupid.
26. On any given day, I am reading 2-3 books. These days it is first of Twilight series, Three laws of performance (recommended and gifted by Papa), Spouse by Shobha Dey and a Wodhouse.
27. I can't sing even to save my life, but many times I fantasize that I am singing Rafi-Lata duet with my husband.
28. I don't like snow.
29. I am a 'strong' woman (literally) but I hate it when people take my strength for granted and expect more from me.
30. Its important for me that people are happy with me.
31. I want to get electro-crimited when I die (after donating body organs). Please don't waste wood on me.
32. I feel very insecure in relationships, even the closest ones. The only relationship that I am completely confident about is the one with my parents.
33. I prefer to drink warm water even on hot summer days.
34. My idea of perfect vacation is reaching a place with minimal travel and minimal packing, lots of books and a hammock.
35. I make hand movements while talking on the phone.
36. I cry ... All the times..
37. Hearing a child laugh out loud is my definition of Heaven.
38. I become deaf while reading.
39. I absolutely hate violence in the name of religion.
40. The thought of seeing Saching Tendulkar in person makes me dizzy.
41. I love getting Emails and I write really looooong replies
42. I never look forward to my birthday. I feel very embarrassed at the idea of celebrating my birthday.
43. Potatoes confuse me : To eat or not to eat...
44. I can not tolerate surprises.
45. I hate my hair.
46. I truly believe I am fat.
47. I am trying to like tea.
48. I think sex is overrated. God created it so that He doesn't have to produce human being anymore. Humans can do that for him.
49. I have been wanting to learn dance for a long time. I have spent a lot of money but never seriously learnt anything.
50. Making this list was more fun than I had thought.

Rain Gods are happy..

2010-06-14T09:55:00.008-04:00

Yoo-Hoo... Its raining cats and dogs !! At least monsoon has been fairly good in its initial spree. Days get darker much sooner with heavy black clouds crowding the skies, it thunders hard and pours mercilessly. Since 7th of June, this has been the routine.

Lavanya is thoroughly enjoying the rains. After our return from US, this by far has been the best monsoon. She is making the most of it.

Rains have been biggest inspiration for Bollywood. You can hardly find a heroin who has been spared from wearing a chiffon sari and 'maaroing Thumkaas' to some flimy beats. There are many beautiful rain songs in hindi movies right from evergreen black-n-white - 'pyaar hooa iqurar hooa' - Raj Kapoor and Nargis to 'bhigi bhigi sari mein thumke lagaati tum (zubi dubi) - Kareena and Aamir. They all have been there and done it !!

My all time favourite is 'Rimzim Gire Sawan' from Manzil and more specifically Lata's version (there is one sung by Kishore too). Now why do I like this one the best, is an unanswerable question. It definitely has got nothing to do with Amitabh and Mousumi Chatterjee. They make the most weird couple and do not have convincing chemistry on the screen (though I must agree that rains can work as a wonderful catalyst between two human beings).

But I think, its got to do with the way Bombay looks and becomes when it rains. The song is picturised on Marine drive, Bombay Gymkhana, Azad Maidan, Worli sea face, old University building, iconic double decker buses etc. The lyrics are superb and when combined with Lata's velvety voice, it becomes heavenly. I can never get enough of it!!!

Loot from Kokan

2010-05-23T13:25:00.009-04:00

This summer vacation was a very special one for many reasons. Amongst many things that me and Lavanya did together, Kokan visit is on top. Lavanya has been to Kokan before, but this time it was a longer visit, we visited many places, many people, enjoyed Kokan 'Meva' and soaked ourselves in sultry weather.

I am usually a light traveller, especially if I am travelling alone with Lavanya. A backpack-a handbag and I am set to go.... But this time, return journey from Kokan was a grand exception. Every house I went to, I (literally) grabbed everything I could lay my hands on. I belong to a family of farmers. So there is a lot of home-grown stuff like rice, coconut, pulses, veggies and fruits. In Pune, I struggle to buy organic food in super markets paying sky-rocketing prices. I would be a fool if I don't take advantage of all the free goodies easily available... check the pics below.

Some things are invaluable... In one of the old Almirahs, I found a Rajaai made out of my grannie's old 9-yard sari. Its old but soft, battered but thick .. I promptly packed it.. Lavanya is using it...

But then, there are a few things which I couldn't click pictures of.

Our Chappals are covered in sticky red soil (this is so specific to Kokan) .. I refuse to wash them..

My tastebuds are still tickling with sensational taste of home-grown spices..

My clothes still smell of burnt Charcoal from Chullah, I hold them and sniff them hard..

Friends @ Work

2010-04-19T12:59:00.009-04:00

The theme for this month's Mastekeer magazine (I used to work at Mastek till a few years back) is 'Friends @ Work' and I was asked to write an article about my experiences during my stint in Mastek on the same topic. Here is my contribution:

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Whenever I remember my life at Mastek, my mind fills with a sudden gush of fondness which at times is overwhelming and I surely owe that feeling to the bonds that I created during ‘7 stupendous’ years I spent there.

And why not!!!

When you spend all waking and active hours of your life in office then it’s inevitable. I have had stints before and after Mastek, but none of them have made me feel this way. Maybe it’s the people here, maybe it’s the culture that prevailed, or maybe various opportunities which my work provided to me to bond with people at a much deeper level – I am not sure what it is, but what I am certain about is that these bonds are lasting forever.

As I talk about friends@work, let me begin with Majesco times (DU-US then!) That’s where I started off. I remember our YAM meetings (Youth At Mastek) meant specifically for freshers in the unit, unit level monthly meetings, Antakshari sessions, sharing of lunch dabba (how could I forget big dabba of soft & fluffy Idlis that this guy used to bring generously for the entire unit). Every occasion called for a party and everyone in the unit was invited – onsite-going party, back-to-offshore party, certification clearing party, resignation party, transfer-to-other unit party… Besides work (which was of course highly satisfying and a great learning) everyday was made special by unit members. We were pals, lunch table buddies, partners-in-crime (I remember a Holi celebration having gone overboard), shoulders to cry on and above all a huge binding force. It was a learning ground for me, they loved me in spite of mistakes I committed, pulled my ears when needed and supported me equally in highs and lows. When I had joined I was a free-spirited girl, when I moved on to a different and larger role I was a grownup and much grounded professional.

Our trekking group was another group of thick friends. It would be factually wrong to say that we came together because of our common love for trekking. Yes, some of us were avid trekkers but they accepted everybody in the group who was willing to climb mountains on their own feet (that was the only criterion). Some of us joined the group because we wanted to experience mountains, some were there to ‘pataao’ the girl and some were there because they simply liked the company of other group members. Every trek became a legend and by the end of it we had hundreds of stories (real and fictitious anecdotes) and nick names (depending on the characteristic demonstrated during the treks) for everyone. Now most of us are out of Mastek but the thread that bound us together is still very strong.

I was blessed to have a super-genius HR team, and there were a few members who were extra special to me. It was never a professional hazard because we knew where to draw a line. How else do you empty your mind, if you don’t have anyone who patiently lends you his/her ears, how you do get rid of your frustration if no one is willing to sit through all the jibber-jabber you have to say. My friends strengthened my fundamentals of HR, they pushed me till the end and when I was about to fall, they extended their little finger to pull me back (and thus brought out best in me), they never hesitated saying truth about me on my face and above all they taught me the most important value of in life – commitment to work. Even today they are my guardian angels in all walks of life!

Mastekeers- across age groups, genders and hierarchy levels, deeply influenced me in various ways. But it’s not fair to call them ‘guides’ or ‘mentors’ just because they were seniors or had more grey hair. The fact that I still turn to them during great, good and not-so-good times of my life makes them my true friends.

How can I write about Friends@work and not mention my Runtime group? While Runtime was fun for all those attended it, for us who worked on it in the background it was not less than a back breaking task. The only reason why we enjoyed it thoroughly and kept on doing it year on year was because of likeminded and equally passionate group who worked on it. We yelled at each other mercilessly, pulled hair, fought endlessly, argued over small and big matters but never deterred from either Runtime or each other. I was a part of 5 Runtimes and the core group was always the same who voluntarily worked at it. The simple reason was high respect for everyone’s passion and professional capability. We used to jokingly say that working on Runtime is like working on ‘Ghar ki Shaadi’ – it was so personal for all of us.

I strongly believe nothing in our lives is coincidental. I know for sure people I met and bonds that got created here is a part of a bigger plan. May be we had some unfulfilled Karmas from previous lifetimes, or maybe we have created new Karmas in this birth. As for me, I am indebted to Mastek for giving me friends for life.

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PRICELESS

2009-11-02T01:24:00.007-05:00

Desi Barb-e-que kit from old markets in Lonavala - Rs. 180

Fuel - Char coal and dry wood - Rs. 30

Marinating Paneer, cauliflower, capsicum, potato, Brinjal - A bit of hardwork and patience

Kachumbar salad and dhaniya-pundina chutney - In a jiffy

Grilling - some sweat, bit of smoke and little coughing

Shahi Kheer - Free hand and a guiltfree mind

Almost perfect evening with great food, Rafi songs and dearest friends - PRICELESS

'Forever Favourite'

2009-08-16T04:11:00.004-04:00

The other day, I was unpacking one of the few remaining cartons. We still have a few lying around. As I went on, a lot of interesting things were coming out. A few craft items (my poor attempts), some home décor stuff, stationery etc. The bottom most packet was the most interesting. It had around 100 + audio cassettes, imagine !!!

Who uses audio cassettes now a days !! who wants to take headache of buying audio cassettes, preserving them etc. Now in the era of i-pods and ‘free, downloadable MP3s’, collecting music has become very easy. But that’s now. Most of us have grown up listening to music on audio cassettes. The most interesting part was to get custom-made cassettes, recording assorted numbers in a single cassette (those cassettes were usually named ‘Forever favourite’ ). In Bombay generally such recordists would be located near the station. Drawing the list of such seasonal favourites was an enjoyable task and usually it took more than one head to come up with an ‘acceptable’ list. Could be because this cassette never really belonged only to the owner. It was for the entire gang and which meant everybody’s choice had to be included.

That evening, when I was browsing through my new-found collection and came across the most amazing treasure. There were so many old (or may be not so old) movies like ‘Ashiqui’ , Chandanee, QSQT, Tezaab, Dil etc. Mainly during this time I had started buying cassettes on my own. Hence all the seasonal hot-favourties including Michael Jackson, Madonna and Bryan Adams’ old numbers. There were so many old cassettes belonging to my father which had rare collection from Lata, Rafi and Mukesh, ‘Hits of Shammi Kapoor’, ‘Evergreen Raj Kapoor’ etc. There was a huge collection of Marathi music. Then there were some for one act play, movies with dialogues, Katha-kathan (story-telling) by Va. Pu. Kale and Pu. La. Deshpande. There were at least 10-12 cassettes of Gazals mostly by Jagjit-Chitra Singh, Pankaj Udhas and Gulaam Ali. That collection is relatively new because I started appreciating Hindi Gazals much late in life.

There was a small polythene in that packet and from outside I could make out that there were around 4-5 cassettes inside. I hastily opened that packet and I had almost guessed it right. Those were the cassettes I had got recorded in my Hostel. I put one of them in the cassette player and eagerly waited for the first song to play. It started with Alice followed by Last Christmas and then all the numbers from Acqua (I am a Barbie girl, Dr. Jones).. It went on and on… The most surprising part was I exactly knew the order in which the songs would follow in that cassette. Years back, I had heard those cassettes so many times that my brain had mapped the exact order of those songs and the lyrics too. So I went on listening to all those great (and not so great) songs. I was screaming the lyrics loudly and dancing on the bed just as we had in our hostel rooms (sometimes even at 3 am.) There were songs that I was listening to almost after decades like Buffalo Soldier (Neelu, rememeber Patrick Sir??) Sexy eyes, Long and lasting love, It must have been love, Careless whisper, Shery Shery lady, Brother Louie, Its sad to belong to someone else, Boyzone, Backstreet boys and on and on…

Those few hours I completely relived our hostel days (and nights). Music was integral part of our lives then, we had music for every occasion. All of us were equally crazy about dance so any tune would set us to dance. I am so sure that anyone of us who would be listening to those songs can’t remain deprived of the same emotions that I experienced that evening. We had so well internalized that music.
Today, I want to tell all those girls that a little part of me still belongs to them and to the times I have spent with them. Today we are (literally) poles apart but I am sure all of us preserve and cherish the times of togetherness !!! Love you all …

Neel's Bdday party, midnight cake cutting followed by our ballroom dance (Neelu, don't miss the music player on the floor)

Thats me and Yaj singing 'Sacrifice'.. (I still remember)

Bursted bubble - HP and HBP

2009-07-29T10:22:00.003-04:00

I have been wanting to write my review of HBP for a long time, its been more than couple of weeks since the movie released in India. I withheld for so long because my instant reaction to the movie was so negative that I was not able to write composed and objective review. Now, I guess, I have come to terms and can probably write an ‘emotionally detached’ review.

My love affair with HP started much late. Last October, I read the entire series and then re-read it and re-read it. HP & HBP was the first movie I saw after having read the books. Of course, my expectations were high and I felt they were justified too. And even by applying most objective standards, I felt the movie falls short on every parameter.

The screenplay is very very poor. The romance seems to be the prime theme in the movie. Actually this book brings forth Voldemort’s character live for us. Also the whole thing about Horcrux. But the movie barely touches upon any of this. The editing throughout is so poor that the movie looks disjoint as if one scene has no relation with the next one. The movie leaves out very important things from the book which has correlation with the last book or which are very important to create an impact. For eg. Dumbledore’s death is the highlight of this book. The movie big-time tampers with original story and make a complete mockery of that scene. (As per the original plot Harry was under the invisibility cloak and was magically stunned by Dumbledore; that’s why no matter how desparately he wished, he could not do anything to save D’dore. In the movie Harry was hiding below the staircase to avoid being seen by any death eaters, this is so so so contradictory to Harry’s character). The battle that entire Hogwarts puts against death eaters is completely omitted. I wonder if one can alter/tamper the original plot so much. Some important characters like Luna, Genie, Longbottom are portrayed like ‘extras’. On the acting front, except Draco and Horace Slughorn (to some extent) everyone is disappointing. Hermoine looks pretty but Ron looks disproportionately grown-up (though nothing can be done about it, I agree) Daniel Radcliff acts average, nothing great. Rather in one scene where he drinks Felix Felicis (Luck potion) director has made him act like an excited clown (I think, I am being over-critical here) which is completely unnecessary.

Now to be fair, there are some good points too which deserve to be mentioned. The beginning of the movie is thrilling. The muggle attacks by death eaters are shown very well. The scene where D’dore and Harry land on the rock to find the horucrux is great. That place is pretty close to how I had imagined. Young Voldemort is pretty impressive, he actually looks stonefaced. Draco Molfoy had an important role in this plot, both the director and Tom Felton (the actor) has done the complete justice.

Overall, the movie is a big washout. As my dear B-I-L ‘K’ puts it , the director has not got the spirit of the book. I second that. I think he has treated this movie like a fantasy movie with lot of action and thrills (and he does a good job at showing action ). What he hasn’t got is the context of the book. The movie is not about magic but its about the people. Each of them have a strong and unique character (JKR has done a splendid job there) which never comes out in the movie. They all appear to be like puppets hanging from nowhere.

Once again the age-old hypothesis is proven – “The pen is mightier than the camera”.

VIBGYOR...

2009-07-27T06:02:00.007-04:00

Yesterday, we witnessed something supremely spectacular....

Our new home

2009-06-08T13:08:00.003-04:00

We have finally shifted to Pune – into our new home. It’s a nice place, small enough to feel cozy and big enough to feel lazy (when you are lying on the bed with a book in hand and need a glass of water) to walk from one end to the other. After a lot of contemplation, we managed to do a little wood-work in the house. Its minimal and basic but fully serves our purpose.

The best part of the house is that we get to view a huge patch of sky with no sky-scrapers to block the view. Westward wind keeps blowing throughout the day which keeps the place cool. Evening onwards, the wind gets so chilly that we almost shiver. On many nights, we choose to sleep in the balcony inside the mosquito net. Lavanya has full on blast inside the net and for me, it’s a complete bliss to sleep in the moonlight, under thick Rajaai enjoying natural coolness (Imagine, even during peak summers we didin’t sleep in the bedroom with noisy fan running on high speed). Our little garden is getting ready, we have a couple of rose bushes, a champa, soft yellow and pink shoe-flower, a juhi, a tulsi and a mogra besides other crotons.

But above all, I am totally enjoying the feeling of independence. I am living on my terms. I can rightfully take a call regarding small (& big) things in life and feel responsible. While that also increases my chances of making mistakes, but Chaltaa hai !! Right now, I am too busy enjoying this new-found freedom to worry about going wrong.

Yes, I terribly miss Bombay and living there. I miss the family times, I miss the professionalism that lingers in the air (only word that can best describe any type of service providers in Pune is “Kaamchor”, in contrast with that Bombay actually spoils you), I miss well-made (almost perfect) chaat, I miss the maid who would diligently do all her designated jobs plus a lot more, I miss the sabjiwala who readily exchanges fruits/veggies if they are found bad upon cutting/chopping, I miss BEST buses and trains and auto-rikshaws with the untampered meters, I miss the noise in the air and I totally miss the fraternizing spirit that every Bombayite experiences when s/he is out there in public.

But then, ‘you get some; you don’t’ get some’ (This phrase is coined by me on the lines of ‘you win some; you lose some’) So I am OK. I rarely get time to brood , I am busy with my new haircut or eat self-made laddoos or stand in the balcony and marvel at our new possession.

होळी रे होळी, पुरणाची पोळी...

2009-03-12T14:45:00.006-04:00

Unlike lot of other festivals, Holi doesn’t hold much dear position in my heart. When I was young, we would know Holi’s arrival when we would be targeted by water balloons aimed at us from all over the neighbouring buildings. The balloons would hit the intended target – Phachaaakkkkkkkk. The pain, the inconvenience and above all the embarrassment used to be inexplicable. We would spend the day of Holi sitting in our balcony and watching groups passing by- screaming foul words, drenched in various colours (making themselves look repulsive and gruesome – the uglier, the merrier)and forcing people with colours – irrespective of their gender or age. The memory of that site still brings me goosebumps. Even today, Holi doesn't appeal my sensibilities and I protest it in my own way by not participating in the celebration.

Inspite of all this, every year I still look forward to Holi. The sole reason is ‘Holi special’ feast cooked by my Aai – Puran poli. For those who don’t know what it is, it’s a sweet Roti (Poli) filled in with mixture (Puran) prepared with chana dal and jaggery. Its an elaborate preparation, prepared by extremely delicate hands. The trick is making them softer – so soft that the Roti almost breaks into pieces when you try to hold it.

Now, I am not going to give recipe of Puran poli here, there are many versions available on the net, you only need to google them. But here you will see a video of my Aai making Puranpoli – world’s best Puranpoli. This is not an exaggeration. If you had a fortune of tasting Aai’s Puranpoli, you would instantly agree with me. If not, then you can only imagine.

The verdict – soft and silky Puranpoli. When you take a bite, your mouth will experience flavourful explosion of jaggery, elaichi, nutmeg, a well roasted thin layer of maida and if you like dollop of home made ghee.
PS: In the video, hope you noticed how she filled the mixture inside the ball (made of refined flour), and how she rolled the roti and lastly how she transferred the roti on the rolling pin to the hot Tawa.

Puranpoli is not meant for weak-hearted cooks. Shortcuts won’t give you the same results. You need to toil in the kitchen to cook the Chana dal, break your back to grind the mixture (using handgrinder) and stand for hours in front of stove to produce a culinary miracle like that; which my Aai does diligently. Thanks to her, I still havn’t attempted to make them.

This post is a small way to pay my gratitude to Aai for being the world’s best cook.

Stop doing and start Questioning...

2009-02-17T12:52:00.003-05:00

Last week, I had been for my cousin’s wedding. It was so much fun, mainly because I din’t have much to do besides wearing designer sarees and jewelry, having fun with cousins and enjoying multi-course marriage feasts. On the eve of the wedding day, there were some small poojas. I was sitting very close to the stage and observing all the rituals. There was lot of give-n-take, Goadbharaaais, exchanging sarees and shirt/pant materials etc etc. Towards the end, my cousin (the boy) was made to sit on the chair with his feet in large plate full of saffron water. His in-laws added a few rose petals in the water and they started rubbing his (already pedicured) feet (with an expression of total devotion on their face). His father-in-law especially had a bit of difficulty in bending down but he din’t mind it. They went on performing that ritual for a few minutes before his feet were taken out of water and wiped clean with towel.

It must have been at least hundred times, that I have witnessed this custom in marriages. Even in my own marriage, I had seen my parents doing the same thing with exactly the same feelings. In every Hindu wedding a boy enjoys this foot massage (and many more similar acts) and hence the feeling of superiority that he becomes entitled for. It may not be inappropriate to say that most of the wedding ceremonies are about obliged parents thanking the boy and his family for accepting their daughter. This ritual of ‘washing feet’ is only manifestation of that.

Now don’t get my cousin wrong. He is a nice boy and I am sure he has no malice in his heart. If he would have been asked explicitly, if he enjoyed that act; I don’t think his answer would have been positive. But he simply followed the age-old practice. He din’t feel the need to question it. And that bothered me. In which generation boys are going to develop sensitivity/muster courage to stand up and declare that they find this and such similar acts atrocious and that they don’t want to be part of such non-sense anymore.. Imagine the foundation on which marriage is built- even before the girl and the boy tie the knot and start spending their life together, its told to them in every possible way that the boy is superior to the girl and she better not forget it !!

The point of discussion today is not how our society treats women. I will surely write about my views on the same. But what I want to say today, is how we have been following things blindly without checking their applicability, relevance and logic in today’s context. Our higher/better education or exposure to better civic practices hasn’t taught us that.

Take an example of how we celebrate festivals today. When the whole world is worried about reducing forests and earth becoming warmer, we still celebrate Holi in full gusto. Huge trees are mercilessly chopped years in advance and then dried so that the fire of holi burns well. In our (co-operative !!) society, every year cultural committee organizes Rain dance on the day of Holi, they get the tanker full of water and people dance on the groovy DJ music till they get drenched with the last drop water in that tanker. Imagine how many people would have quenched their thirst with that amount of water!!

Visualise the processions for Ganapati Visarjan. How the bunch of few millions (devotees!!) bring the city like Bombay to standstill. Offices are closed earlier, schools have holidays and for everyone else who is not interested in dancing on streets (shaking their bodies in the most hideous fashion) it’s a compulsory curfew. Imagine the money lost, time wasted and inconvenience caused to everyone else and all this in the name of Lord Ganesha!!

Instead of following these things mindlessly, can we re-evaluate everything that we have been doing today? Can we understand the context of those age-old traditions, use our better sense and make the necessary amends?

Everything that our wise ancestors had created had strong reasoning. All that was true, viable and useful for that age. Older generations passed on those treasures to us and our job is to pass it on to the next generation. If we are not able to show value of those traditions/practices to our youngsters, they would either not follow them in the right spirit or they (traditions) would die their natural death. We need to understand our responsibility in this matter. We have been fortunate to have got better education, ability to rationalize the matters and exposure to various other practices in different cults/regions/religions. We have a scientific mind that can differentiate between reasonable and unreasonable, necessary and unnecessary, what can take our lives forward towards harmony and well being vs. what would pull us down and ruin us eventually.

Can we put our better sense to work? Can we stop doing and start questioning?

Timeless...

2008-11-12T13:24:00.002-05:00

Yesterday Lavanya started her school. It’s a cute, little place – very cheerful and bubbly. Along with other admission formalities, she was given a list of few books. Basically these are picture books to introduce kids to numbers and alphabets. The same evening we bought those books and other stuff like covers, labels etc.

In the night, after the dinner we (I and she) sat down – on the floor to put covers on those books. The moment I opened the books, some strangely familiar stroke of nostalgia hit me, it was so strong that I almost missed my heart beat. Smells and music have immense power to take you back in time. And in a moment, I knew what it was.

Times (which doesn't seem like long ago) when I used to go to school. The day after our annual exams were over, Baba- my father would buy the entire set of text books for the next year. Our summer vacations would start with those books - Feeling them, reading them, checking out pictures (in English, Marathi, History, Geography text books), memorizing the poems..

As the school opening would near, Baba would then buy the notebooks. They were really special- extra smooth pages, lovely paintings on the cover pages (if anyone has used the ‘Ravi’ brand notebooks, they would know what I am talking about), the pages were so crisp that they would make the crackling sound. There would a few 50 pages notebooks for essay writing, music etc, 100 pages books for subjects like Civics or grammar and rest would be fat 200 pages notebooks. Besides this, there would be other things like blue Apsara pencils (2B), drawing material (we never got ordinary drawing books, our drawing books always had thick professional drawing sheets, though I must admit my drawing skills never did justice to those superior quality sheets) and a roll of transparent sheet to put covers on all our books.

The eve of the first day of the school would be dedicated to this project of putting covers. It was an enormous task which would be followed by labeling them. I never remember him buying readymade labels. He would cut even sized rectangles and write each and every label in his pearl-like handwriting.

This process went on for years together till he taught us to do these things. But more importantly he taught us that books deserve to be treated with special care. He unknowingly inculcated the love for books not only for their literary value but for their appearance and form. Even today, when I buy a book, I caress it, feel the newness, inhale it till the smell takes me back in old times and wrap it in a transparent plastic cover.

Here is to you Baba!!

PS: Lavanya’s books smell exactly like mine. May be times havn’t really changed…

यथा काष्ठम च काष्ठम च ...

2008-10-20T18:07:00.003-04:00

I am spending last few weeks in US. Its been a hugely fulfilling year in more than one way. The decision to come here was a difficult one, especially considering the factors like my work, Lavanya's schooling etc. But in the retrospect, I am happy that we took this plunge.

There are a few things, which I think, made our stay here worthwhile; 'A lot of family time' tops the list. American work culture (generally 9 to 6, no work on weekends, option of working from home once in a while etc) made it possible for Neeraj to spend a good amount of time at home. The travel to and from office was almost negligible negating work related stress even further. Setting up a home (with limited resources, though), evening outings, weekend vacations, long drives, cooking sessions, making crafts projects- everything just added-up to make this time a lot more purposeful and memorable.

Library was another thing that I absolutely enjoyed. If someone asks me to define 'a rich and a developed country', I would simply put it as - the country that can create and protect good libraries, museums and parks. This might sound a little cynical, but I mean it. Since these countries have been able to meet all the basic needs of their people, they can move up the chain and think of their emotional and intellectual needs. Our public library has an unbelievable collection of books, magazines, reference books, DVDs, music, toys, games which made us possible to live through difficult winters and days thereafter. I and Lavanya literally exploited it.

Another very important thing happened to me : I honed my house keeping and culinary skills to a reasonable extent. It only means now I have moved from 'Red' to 'Black' which still is a great achievement. Earlier, if I am expecting guests, I would start planning (read : worrying) at least a week in advance, go over all the arrangement, keep planning and re-planning the menu, cook some of it in advance (& freeze it). But now those butterflies and anxiety attacks have disappeared. Having learnt a few 'tricks of the trade', inviting guests over or cooking meal of 5 doesn't look like a daunting task. In the absence of other support structure (which we take for granted in India) like maid, home delivery from provision stores, 'istriwala', doodhwala, subjiwala etc - you tend to develop your own mechanism of dealing with the situation and it goes a long way in making you more efficient and confident about managing large and sundry household chores.

During our short stay, we were still able to visit a good part of East coast of US. Besides the must-see like NY-DC- Niagara, we could also visit, a gorgeous Province Town and Martha's Vineyard at Cape Cod, serene beaches at Block Island, and New Hampshire for its enchanting fall colours.

Above all of this, my stay here gave me some great friends for life. Here friends actually became our family – Home away from home. Socialising was a more positive and a meaningful experience. Potluck meals, theme parties, baby showers, birthday parties (actually grownups looked forward to 'bdday parties' more than the kids), festival celebrations, team outings were the 'most looked forward to' events simply because they were the great opportunities to meet up. Leave alone the 'Fun' part, but these people made our life so much better, not just by 'doing things for us' but 'being there for us'.

For me, the saddest part of leaving America is leaving these friends behind. But then, I guess everything happens for a reason. May be we had some unfinished business to settle from our past lives, may be we had to tally our balance sheet of Karma. God alone knows…

There is a beautiful Subhashit in Sanskrit

यथा काष्ठम च काष्ठम च, समेयाताम महोदधौ /
समेत्य च व्यपेयाताम, तद्वत़ भूत समागमः //

It means, "In this universe; we are like wooden logs, floating in an ocean. A wave brings us closer, we sail together for some time; till a large wave separates us again."

I am going back to the super-charged life- full of action, a lot of hoo-la-hoo, I-will-get-back-first-thing-in-the-morning, PPTs, emails, meeting requests, Lavanya's school, relatives coming over, marriages to attend and social obligations to fulfill. While I am all excited to be a part of this rigmarole, I am immensely satisfied about the 'ultra cool'(Literally and figuratively) year that I spend in America.

As they say here - So long...

'The bicycle theif'

2008-09-22T15:52:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, I watched ‘The bicycle thief’. Its an Italian movie shot on the backdrop of post world war II scenario – times when Italy was paralyzed by unemployment and poverty.

The plot is simple – Ricci every morning joins a mob of work-seekers that will earn them bread by end of the day. That day happened to be Ricci’s lucky day because he gets the job only under the pretext that he has the cycle. His wife pawns the linens in the house to trade-in the cycle from the pawn shop. On the first day of the job, his cycle is stolen right under his nose and then begins a desperate hunt for the cycle along with his 5 year old son, Bruno.

The father-son duo search all over the city, they almost catch a real thief but he outsmarts them. It’s the fag end of the day, completely exhausted Bruno sits at roadside, but Ricci still hasn’t given up, he sees an unattended cycle and after a lot of contemplation lays his hand on it. He is caught in the act and furious crowd starts chasing him. When Bruno sees Ricci, his father, stealing the bicycle – its like his God has cheated on him. But the next moment, he runs to his father – who is being taken to the police – slips his small hands into father's, as he is dragged by the crowd. And that moment the father-son equation changes. This little boy becomes a father. He silently wipes his own face when he sees his father weeping, as they walk away with the crowd.

The movie questions our belief in so called moral values when we watch the struggle for survival changing rules about what’s right and what’s wrong. Towards the end, we can’t help empathizing with the thief.

The film has a certain poetic feel to it. Like listening to a sonnet or a sad Gazal -simplicity in expression and truth in despair would stir you.

Though post-world-war era plays a certain invisible character in the movie, to me, it almost appeared timeless. It’s not about poverty stricken man whose only means to livelihood was stolen. Its about having lost a dream – a dream to live dignified, respectable life.

(Faded) Magic of Maggie

2008-09-18T20:13:00.002-04:00

The craze started with an ad on TV about '2-minute Maggie noodles’… 2 hungry kids coming back from school would scream ‘mummy, bhookh lagi hai’ and their smiley, beautiful mother would reciprocate with similar expressions ‘buss Do minute…”

Those days, the concept of ‘ready-to-cook’ meals was unheard of and it earned instant disapproval from my parents. I have been brought up believing that anything that’s not fresh and homemade doesn’t do any good to our body (I continue to believe it even today). So Maggie never entered our house. Once we were given free packets of Maggie in our school. So after coming home, I and my brother tried our hand at making Maggie. We actually believed the ad and cooked the noodles for exactly 2 minutes and added the masala. That same instant, Aai (my mother) entered the house twitching her nose because of the aroma of Maggie masala… She quickly opened all the windows so that the odor goes out and made us dispose off the contents in the pot.

That was my last encounter with Maggie until I went to the hostel. There, everybody seemed to be thriving on Maggie as if it was some kind of wholesome diet. It took me months to come to terms that ‘it is not as harmful as I was made to think it was’. One always learns such and other interesting lessons in hostel. During the hostel days, I ate hajjar varieties of Maggie – watery Maggie, just-about-cooked Maggie, veggie-maggie, Maggie pakodas, Maggie with Roti, Maggie sandwich etc etc. I only became wiser to learn that outside home, Maggie makes a complete meal. Its absolutely hassle-free, doesn’t require great culinary skills (in fact, you don’t need any skill to be able to prepare edible Maggie), u just need one pot to boil water. And above all, yes it is indeed a 2 minute meal.

Those days, I was highly ignorant about dieting related fundas, didn’t have any clue that carbs are actually bad if taken beyond a certain limit. I used to actually think, if I have to remain slim, I should eat less. And Rs. 5 ka one Maggie packet seemed to be the right solution then. Imagine !!!!! How silly was that! Just to make the meal more nutritious, we would add veggies like onion and tomato (does this tally?)

Anyway, gone are those days when I used to worry about ‘jeans-not-fitting-anymore’ or ‘weight-crossing-50’ etc etc. But I have become much more conscious of what’s good for my body and what isn’t. Also along the line, you start realizing, that your parents were always right about certain things. I only had to grow up to learn that. So eventually, the magic that Maggie had created proved short-lived.

Today, at our home, Maggie comes once in a while and lies in a cabinet for months and months before it sees the light of day (or should I say before it sees the boiling water). Sometimes it is unfair to Neeraj, my husband who gets cravings for Maggie. He loves Maggie in any and every form, he can even have dry, uncooked noodles for his evening snacks. My 3 year old had, I guess, genetic knowledge and liking for Maggie. Since the first time she got to taste it (when she was about 8months old), she has become a huge fan of its tangy/spicy taste and she doesn’t miss a single opportunity to slllllluuurrrrppp it… (she actually sounds ‘slurpy’ !!)

But I don’t mind doing the bad/thankless job of conscience keeper.. Hence my struggle continues…the struggle to keep Maggie packets away from sight (so that no one gets tempted) and if there is undeniable demand for Maggie then, I try to create some nutritious avatar out of the dangerous lump of sticky carbohydrates…

Dragons, Dinosaurs and Little Mice

2008-08-29T00:34:00.005-04:00

Last few days were packed with Olympic action – Started with magnificent opening ceremony, followed by some absolutely stunning on-the-field-performances. Our new big TV made the whole experience even more appealing.

NBC’s round-the-clock coverage was another interesting highlight. Because this was the first time I was viewing games from America’s perspective. It was amusing to see the way they would deal with America’s defeat, when their tall ego would get crushed by their closest rival, China.

India, too had its own share of jubilation. We surprised everyone, including ourselves by winning a gold and couple of bronze medals. Yes, everytime we are reminded of our 1 billion + population, to assert our abysmal performance at any sports event. But the whole point is, we are still struggling with issues like cultural disintegration, political instability, terrorism and communal disharmony and amidst all of this Sports takes a backseat. And lets accept that we still worship our cricketers like Demi-Gods. Remember, how Dhoni and his boys were welcomed after winning a 20-20 world cup? Similarly did Abhinav experience frenzied, euphoric welcome from the crowd? I don’t think so… In India, 'Sports' is still an activity that you do to pass time and not something to which you dedicate your entire life.

At Beijing, China clearly stood out as a winner, not just on the basis of medal count, but it visibly made a statement for itself – about its power, grit, its winning attitude and resilience. They have presented an act – on and off the field – that’s going to be difficult to match.

PS: We too had a little Nastia Liuken + Cheng Fei + Michel Phelps at home. This was Lavanya's first experience with a sporting event. And she made the most of it. She would copy gymnasts by doing somersaults on the carpeted floor, imitate Michel Phelps by diving from the bed, get herself a medal, wave to the fictitious crowd and sing Jan-Gan-Man. Watch this..

The Magic and The Madness

2008-08-05T17:23:00.014-04:00

Finally, it happened. I too got smitten by Harry Potter !!!!

As it goes, I not a big fan of fictional movies. So when a few years back, Neeraj had dragged me to watch ‘Harry Potter and Philosopher’s stone’, I finally walked out of the theater feeling completely clueless (not even knowing the difference between Voldemort and Dumbeldore – who is a good guy and who is bad). The movie has a gloomy feel and that made me somewhat depressed. I couldn’t figure out, how this movie could be meant for kids when there were so many scary looking characters (remember Fluffy, the three headed dog or the Centaurs – half human and half horse?) or so much of violence and irksome scenes (two faced Professor Quirrel or cat being converted into Professor McGonagal or a hooded figure drinking unicorn blood etc). All that didn’t not suit my idea of entertainment. P and K (my sis-in-law and her husband) used to have animated discussions about HP books and I used to gape at them feeling all lost. And surprisingly, everyone I knew was highly into HP stuff, no one was willing to share my opinions. They used to talk about HP movies, books and would be speculating what’s gonna happen in forthcoming books. Despite feeling left-out, I never paid any heed to P’s request to read the books.

When I came to US, I was browsing through kids’ section in the library; I found this whole rack dedicated to hard bound HP books. Accidentally, I picked up the first volume and - trust me that though it might sound like an exaggeration - I still thank myself for doing that. A few pages into the book and there was no stopping. Harry Potter and his magical world consumed me completely. I was lucky that I didn’t have to wait for forthcoming books else the suspense would have killed me.

JKR’s flight of imagination has created this wonderful fantasy and you become part of it instantly. She has done such an awesome job there. This world of magic has its own ministry and properly laid down constitution, unique modes of transportation, currency, bank, postal service, their kind of food, clothing, accessories, sports, shopping arcades, schools, rituals, even a prison of their own which is controlled by dementors. In there, horses fly, people in the photos move, plates keep getting refilled till you finish eating and bones in the broken arm are regrown overnight.

Harry enters this make-believe world, just as we do. He too has spent first 10 years of life in a non-magical 'muggle' way. The best thing about Hurry’s character is he portrayed as a boy next door. He doesn’t have any super-hero abilities. He too sometimes falters, he cheats, he bluffs, he weeps, gets frightened, has friends and enemies, falls in and out of love, he is not a brilliant student either. But then what distinguishes him from others is his bravery and loyalty for friends. He was a famous person in the magical world but his difficult childhood helps him to stay rooted to grounds.

The story is about the pursuit that Harry is unknowingly set onto. He is there to fulfill prophesised destiny and resolve a larger conspiracy. But I think real hero of this book is JKR herself. She is an amazing story-teller. The way she describes each character, place or a situation, they don’t remain a figment of her imagination anymore, they become alive for you. Even their names have historical/mythological references and represent their personality traits in a best possible way. It’s intriguing to see how such a complex story was thought through in the beginning itself, including all the intricate details.

The story doesn’t belong to Harry alone; his two best friends Ron (highly emotional, little insecure yet very loyal) and Hermione (brilliant, level headed, little shrewd and a stabilizing factor between Harry and Ron) are with him through thick and thin. There are other characters having to play singular role in the larger scheme of things. These are some of my favorite ones:
• Dumbledore – Head Master of Hogwarts and he is real player of this game, he has all the cards including the trump card, but more importantly, he is a lovely old man, I would wait for him to arrive in the story
• Neville – who was thought to be ‘almost squib’ – non magical, comes out as a real hero in the end
• Dobby, the house-elf - an avid fan of Harry, would go any length to keep Harry out of trouble, referring himself in third person (so does Lavanya :-)).
• Hagrid – Half-giant, passion for dangerous creatures and a heart as large as his body
• Voldemort – He is a bad guy, but shares an amazing connection with Harry.
• Fred and George – If there is a ‘Fred and George fan club’, I would be the first one to enroll. This witty and humorous duo would always have something ‘hatke’ to do/say.
• Weasley family- A huge family of parents and 7 children, not so well to do. But abundant love and positivity. Harry gets all his share of parental and sibling love from this family.
• Sirius Black- Harry’s Godfather, his father’s best friend and a partner in crime. Harry cherishes this relationship because Sirius is the closest live connection with his parents.
There are so many such people you meet during the course of seven books and simply fall in love with them.
• My two favourite instances are: One where, Snape sends his Patronus – Doe to help Harry recover the Gryffindor sword. I can almost feel that night, the mystery there gives me goose-bumps.
And the second one when Harry realizes truth about Sirius (towards the end of the third book). I couldn’t help feeling ecstatic for Harry, realizing that he too would have someone who he could call his family.
There are other things like:
• Hogwarts – Harry’s school, a magnificent castle which could never be seen by muggles,
• A sorting hat – who (she can actually talk and think like a human) would be able to identify the character of a wearer and based on that sort them in houses.
• Hogwarts express- A train that would depart from platform # 9 ¾ from King cross station.
• Diagon alley – place to shop magic products, located in the heart of London but could be accessed only by people with magical abilities

I can go on and on, but I better stop here …

By the time I arrived at the last book, the craze had reached the stage of madness. It was 2:30 pm, I had only reached halfway through the book, Lavanya was howling because she was starving. Reluctantly, I started rolling Rotis, with my eyes on the book that was kept open on the gas stove.

The best thing was going over the books after you are done. As you progress, the plot thickens and the story gets complex leaving me with doubts and confusions. Hence there would be mail-exchanges with K, not just to seek clarification but to share my own perspectives. These mailing sessions were the most interesting part of the whole experience. After the sixth book, when Dumbeldore dies, I had given up on HP. I needed a strong dose of motivation to go further, which came from him. We did HP quizzes, he shared lot of his insights with me. He forwarded me some links on the net and then I realized there is this bigger world out there, which is as mad as me. They would write essays about various facets of Harry Potter-World, giving their own interpretation to the whole story. People have drawn sketches of various locations, there are discussion forum, JKR’s interviews, Wizard family trees etc etc. It was so good to be part of a fraternity who share the same degree of craziness. Those few months (and even today) I was only breathing/eating/drinking/sleeping/dreaming of Harry Potter and I immensely enjoyed such fanatic behavior of mine.

These days I am reading HP for the third time and seriously contemplating getting a scar tattooed on my forehead. I can’t wait for Lavanya to grow up only to enjoy these fantastic books.

Ohh yes, another thing, never judge a book by its movie. Movies can not deal with vastness and details of these books. The characters in the movie look sketchy and incomplete. You can not somehow connect with them. May be making a TV serial would be a better option. At least the director won’t get bound by time.

At the outset, this fantasy world looks unreal to us. You don’t feel ‘belonged’ there. When you understand the books to their core, you realize they are not about magic at all. Magic only provides the backdrop. They are ultimately about virtues like bravery, loyalty, friendship, truth and above all the power of love. Even the magical world could not refute the power of love. The whole thing is about age-old battle between the good and the evil and the good will always be victorious. That’s the common factor between JKR’s world of magic and our world of muggles.

K, this one goes out to you... For making my Harry Potter experience so meaningful.

Cartoon Guide to Statistics

2008-07-29T19:47:00.004-04:00

A few weeks back, Neeraj had ordered 'A Cartoon Guide to Statistics' on the net. I was pretty excited about this book because of its unusual title. Somehow 'cartoon' and 'statistics' seem to be unrelated words. The only person who would probably make some connection between these two terms is Calvin. (Calvin and Hobbes fame). He is one hell of a guy who always has something - intelligently weird - to say about everything that comes his way. Anyway, I better not make such passing reference about him, he is likely to get offended. He deserves much more than this (at least, he thinks so).

I am not a 'Science' person. Somehow those subjects never fancied me. I knew, they were important for good scores, hence I was forced to study them. But I was never exceptionally good at them. I was (am) relatively poor at laws of physics, formulae in chemistry or biology diagrams etc etc. Very early, in my academic life, I had decided that I am going to pursue Arts - History, Economics and Psychology being my favourite subjects. That way, I could also forgo all the science subjects. But I was reasonably better off at Maths subjects. I loved pure Arithmatic (number crunching). When we used to learn tables in early school days, I knew all the tables not just for whole numbers (2,3,4 ...) but also for 0.25, 0.5, 0.75 etc till 1.5. Thanks to Aai (my mother).

Eventually, we were introduced to Algebra, Geometry and Statistics. I could do alright at these subjects at the basic level. Somehow, I never had to study that at an advance level like complex algorithms or differential calculus etc. So I always remained in my comfort zone and could keep this belief intact that 'I am comfortable with Maths'.

On one free afternoon, I sat with this book. Its written by Larry Gonick and Woollcott Smith. It begins by explaining applicability of statistics in our daily lives, with the help of illustrations. As we proceed further, Larry starts discussing topics in an ascending order of difficulty – Data description, Probability, random variables, distribution, sampling, Hypothesis validation – so on and so forth. Each chapter starts with an example describing a particular situation that’s commonly known to us such as weights of 50 students in the class, outcomes of a gambling game, election results etc.

The uniqueness about this book is in the way concepts are translated in comical yet relevant illustrations. This makes the book less complex and accessible; adding fun touch to the serious fundas. It serves as a good primer on a wide variety of statistical tools presented in an entertaining format. My favourite chapter in this book is the one about Hypothesis testing. Detailed enough, clearly explained complimented by witty and appropriate illustrations. Larry does a handsome job there !

But let me make one thing clear. Call it a weakness, but this book will definitely not teach you basics statistics. It won’t serve as beginner’s guide. The space is divided between cartoons and text (almost) as 60:40. Which means, there is less of description or clarification. It doesn’t explain how a particular formula has been derived or why/where it has to be used. For eg. I have always wondered about use of ‘variance’? why do we first square the entire sum, find variance and then square-root it to find standard deviation? This book doesn’t answer that either.
So this book is definitely not a stand-alone book. You would still need to refer to a text book for details. Its meant for two kinds of people – Those who are sound in Stats and those who dread it. For the first group, this book will work like a feel-good factor, knowing that Statistics is indeed an interesting subject and for the other group, this book help make peace with Statistics and assure them that after all its not such a frightening subject.

So all in all, it would make an interesting reading. You would surely like to have a copy for yourself. There are more books in this series like Cartoon guide to Physics/Chemistry/Universe/Genetics etc. I can’t wait to read them. Hopefully, these books will give me some comfort level in these subjects.

Less is more...

2008-07-25T12:59:00.007-04:00

My very dear friend M, always teases me about not having (m)any Maharashtrian cuisine restaurants. He always points out (with a smirk on his face) that South Indian (he being the one), Punjabi and Gujarati cuisine is now almost like global cuisine, it has reached all parts of the world and in spite he being a foody and having tried all possible foods, he still doesn’t know what constitutes a typical Maharashtrian cuisine.

Now as a part of argument, I vehemently deny these allegations. I am a ‘pakka Marathi mulgi’ (a typical Marathi girl) and of course get very emotional about such issues. I explain to him various typical Marathi dishes and at the same time honestly admit that probable lack of entrepreneurial skills among Maharashtrians could be the reason behind not having too many restaurants serving Marathi food. This candid confession satisfies him.

Talking about Maharashtrian cuisine, it’s a very simple and non-flashy food. Very few ingredients, healthier methods of cooking – steaming or pressure cooking , quintessential ‘goda masaala’ (mix dry roasted spices)variety of side dishes like chutneys, raitas and salads – are a few highlights of Maharashtrian food. Traditional menu is a must-combination of vital food ingredients like carbs, proteins, fats, various vitamins in the required quantities.

The imperative part of any Maharashtrian meal is Varan-Bhat and I am going to write about that today. Varan is pressue cooked yellow moong dal and Bhat means Rice.
Any authentic meal starts with Varan Bhat. It could easily top the category of comfort foods. It’s bland, yet tasty and highly satisfying. As far as I can remember, I have loved it the way Aai (my mother) makes it. Acc. to her it’s a complete meal by itself with all the essential nutrients in the right combination.

The recipe is quite simple.
Bhat - 1 measure rice to be pressure cooked in 2 measures of water.
Varan – 1 measure yellow moong dal, to be pressure cooked with 2.5 measures of water. Add a pinch of turmeric and asafetida and salt to taste.

Set the cooker with both Rice and dal and give 3whistles. Meantime in a grinder , grind 1 tea-spoon jeera (cumin seeds) and 3 tea-spoons of grated coconut. (alternatively, you can add the same quantity of Jeera and coconut in dal, while pressure cooking , as mentioned above. This is a short cut method which Aai doesn’t approve. She thinks, short cuts will never give you the best results (in anything you do) and she is right in this case too. But who can help my laziness)
Once the cooker is done and steam is gone, open the cooker. Add the ground jeera-coconut mixture to mashed Dal. Bring it to boil.

While serving, take a scoop of rice in a plate, pour ladle-ful Varan, sqeeze few drops of lemon juice and add ghee. Mix it all together and eat with your hands.

No masala, no Tadka….There are many accompaniments that go perfectly well with Varan-bhat like mango-pickle and/or tomato raita (koshimbir) and/or roasted/fried papad etc.

But you will enjoy it best just as it is. Its Lavanya and Neeraj’s favourite meal too.

Anything you prepare sincerely with complete thoughtfulness is bound to be good. Indeed, simple is beautiful and less is more…

This one is for you. M…..

The 'bestest' of all...

2008-07-20T23:21:00.005-04:00

'Bollywood' or (as Big B insists on calling it) 'Hindi film industry' has a huge influence on Indian society and vice versa. These two are almost inseparable. This realisation hit me, when I came to US. In India, movie trailers, promos, celeb gossip etc felt like nuisance but here in US I actually started feeling cut-off from that star-studded world. Bollywood could be condemned as a movie making machine (yes, we make highest number of movies in the world) and especially because most of our movies are about song-n-dance, jhatakaas-matkaas, hero-heroine running around the tree, melodrama and dialogue-bazi.

But I take immense pride in our films. I simply love them. Sometimes they are real, sometimes they are dreamy, sometimes they are cute, sometimes they are atrocious - but these movies are about us, they partially reflect the kind of society we are (without leaving commercial interests unprotected)

The best part of our films is their music. Come to think of it, our movies have songs for every occasion, every mood and every genre. Be it, shaadi, bidaai, child birth, funeral, friendship, love, betrayal, disco, bhajan, gazals and what not. Its mind boggling to see the amount of music our film industry has created.

I have a huge list of my favourites. But the one that lyrically and musically tops the list is 'abhi naa jaao chhodkar' from the film 'Hum Dono' - Starring Dev Anand(in Double role) and Sadhana, composed by Jaidev (this particular song is in Raga Kalyan) and written by Sahir Ludhianwi.

I grew up listening to this and such songs. The songs from the black-n-white era have certain innocence about them. The songs would tickle you, they would kindle romantic feelings inside you, but would still be very subtle in their words, music and picturisation. And therein lies the greatness of these songs.

In this song, the boy and the girl – who are in love, get together on one evening. Having spent a lot of time together, the girl insists on leaving (remember, 7 pm deadline for you girls?? ). Now when you are in love, no amount time you spent with your loved one, is enough. And that’s when the boy sings this song pleading his sweetheart not leave so early.

The beauty of this song lies in its words – they are apt, rich, earnest and musically most appropriate. When you read, listen and see this song you will meet –
The boy – deeply in love, respectful towards the girl yet making a point, being romantic and still not losing sensibilities. The girl – of course, she too is in love, courageous enough to fulfill her commitments towards the relationship yet not willing to violate the social behavior expected of her. The song is a beautiful combination of love, romance, flirting, caring, complaining, making-up and various other emotions.

Rafi and Asha’s voice is a lethal combination – worth dying for. They have together sung some superb melodies, and this one is no less. The screen space is shared by Dev Anand and Sadhana. Together, they look picture-perfect. Dev Anand is behaving (acting) typical of himself and Sadhana is such a pleasure to watch – Coy, demure yet firm.

Here are the lyrics of this song. Read them slowly and connect yourself to these words. I assure you, you will know, why I am so thrilled about this song.

अभी ना जाओ छोड़कर, के दिल अभी भरा नही

अभी अभी तो आई हो, बहार बन के छाई हो
हवा ज़रा महक तो ले, नजर ज़रा बहक तो ले
ये शाम ढल तो ले ज़रा, ये दिल संभल तो ले ज़रा
मैं थोडी देर जी तो लूँ, नशे के घूँट पी तो लूँ
अभी तो कुछ कहा नही, अभी तो कुछ सूना नही...

सितारे झिलमिला उठे, चराग झगमगा उठे
बस अब ना मुझ को टोकना, न बढ़ के राह रोकना
अगर मैं रुक गयी अभी, तो जा न पाऊँगी कभी
यही कहोगे तुम सदा, के दिल अभी नही भरा
जो खत्म हो किसी जगह, ये ऐसा सिलसिला नही...

अधूरी आँस छोड़ के, अधूरी प्यास छोड़ के
जो रोज यूँ ही जाओगी, तो किस तरह निभाओगी
के जिंदगी की राह में, जवाँ दिलों की चाह में
कई मकाम आएँगे, जो हमको आजमाएंगे
बुरा ना मानो बात का, ये प्यार है गिला नही
यही कहोगे तुम सदा, के दिल अभी भरा नही...

तुलसीदास सदा हरी चेरा...

2008-07-16T23:11:00.005-04:00

During my early meetings with my mother-in-law, she had once asked me if I had read Ramayana. My answer was instant ‘yes’ because of course I had read stories of Ramayana from the early years – right from stories written in children’s pocket size story books to hard bound volumes detailed with original Sanskrit verses and analysis. I knew most of the anecdotes and mythological references and was pretty confident that if she quizzes me, I would not disappoint her. But her next question was ‘which one? Which Ramayana have you read?’ I didn’t quite understand this question. After Valmiki wrote it, there were many versions and they have attempted to reproduce tales of Ramayan in the capacity as they have interpreted it. So I vaguely answered to that question saying ’I don’t remember the author’. So she quickly responded, “Ohhh, so you have not read Tulsi-Ramayana’.

Now I had heard about Tulsi-Ramayana (or Ramacharitmanas) but never thought of reading it. Simply because I didn’t know, if it was any different than all the versions I had read so far. Moreover it is written in Avadhi (which is altogether different than Hindi) and all my reading till then was limited to Marathi and English.

When I was pregnant, mummy bought me a copy of Tulsi-Ramayana. She had read it many times during her pregnancy and suggested that even I do the same. I attempted reading it along with translation of each verse and detailed explanation but somehow could not go beyond a few pages.

Then one day, we were invited to one of our family friends home, where they had organized “Sunder-Kaand ka Paath” It was a magical experience. There was a certain rhythm in which the verses were being sung by about 50 of us together, accompanied by harmonium, dholak and cymbals. Music and mood that got created that evening still resonates in my mind. And that’s when I got more and more curious about Ramcharitmanas.

Neeraj made me listen the recital by Pt. Chhannulal Mishra and started explaining the meaning as they were being sung. And slowly I started developing a feeling of enchantment and fascination.

Ramacharitmanas consists of seven chapters namely Bal Kand, Ayodhya Kand, Aranya Kand, Kiskindha Kand, Sundar Kand, Lanka Kand and Uttar Kand containing tales of Rama’s life. Ramcharitmanas is written in pure Avadhi or Eastern Hindi, in stanzas called chaupais, broken by 'dohas' or couplets, with an occasional chhand.

Simplicity in thoughts and elegance in writing coupled with ultimate submission to Rama is a force behind such a classic work of literature. Complex philosophical truths have been couched in simple expressions, idioms and rhymes. He didn’t portray Rama only as a deity but he used his magnificence to serve as example for society’s inspiration and people to emulate.

The challenge is to figure out what does the magic – Is it the epic itself which is about the highest virtues such a truthfulness, forgiveness, generosity, detachment, control of the senses, purity and service to humanity OR Is it Tulsidasa’s supreme devotion for Rama being reflected in his literary excellence?

But it doesn’t matter. I enjoy this combination immensely.

Ofcoruse, there are many anecdotes in the book, but let me share one here. It is known as Kewat Samwaad. When Rama,Seeta and Lakshman were setting out for their voluntary exile, at one instance they had to cross Sharayu river. The boatman named Kewat was happy to take them in his boat to the other shore. Upon reaching there, Rama offered Kewat to pay for his services. Kewat refused to take anything from Rama while giving him following explanation. He said,

"हे भगवान, आप और मैं एक ही जाति के तो हैं. मैं इस नाव मैं बैठे हुए लोगों को नदी पार कराता हूँ, और आप मनुष्य की जीवन-नय्या पार कराते हैं. तो जैसे, एक धोबी दुसरे धोबी से या फिर एक नाई दूसरे नाई से पैसे नही लेता, वैसे ही मैं आपसे पैसे नही ले सकता.
पर मैं आपको ऋण (कर्जा) में रखना भी नही चाहता. तो जब मेरी जीवनयात्रा पूरी हो जायेगी तो आप मेरी नाव भी भवसागर पार लगा दिजीये (seeking salvation)"

My knowledge of Ramahcaritmanas is still very little. Only experienced a tip of iceberg. Lot more remains beneath to be discovered. But I am sure as I dive deeper and deeper, its only going to be serenely idyllic experience.

Dancing with the stars

2008-07-14T11:26:00.005-04:00

In US, we stay in Connecticut, in a small town called Groton. It’s a place of historical significance situated quietly on the Atlantic shore. Not much traffic, not too many big shopping malls, population not more than 50 thousand.

But 12th July brought a completely different day at Groton. Mashantucket Pequot Tribal museum organizes annual fireworks on a weekend after Independence Day. This year it was organized on 12th July. These fireworks were performed by a group called Grucci (www.grucci.com). These guys are the best in their field having handled fireworks for 6 consecutive presidential elections, 3 Olympics and would be doing so at the forthcoming Beijing Olympic as well.

Since Neeraj had done all this homework much prior, our calendar was marked for a long long time. The show was supposed to start at 9:30 so we thought its safer to reach there by 7:30 in order to grab some strategic spots for Neeraj’s camera and a tripod. Our picnic kit was out (which is nothing but a bedsheet and other outdoor stuff), snacks were ready, Lavanya’s dinner packed – we set out. The place is only about 3 miles away from our apartments. As soon as we came out of our apartment complex and hit the road, we were caught in a traffic jam. It was weird to see cars lined up on that small street of ours. We realized, it’s of no use to take our car ahead. So we parked it at our friends place and started walking down. Of course we had a company of likeminded people. It was like a procession. We reached Fort Griswold – the venue which was best suitable to view the show. It’s an old fort of the era of American independence situated on the banks of Thames river. And despite being there so early (as we had thought) the whole place was jam-packed. It looked like a gypsy camp. There was a music concert going on which was adding to the mood. The exuberance in the atmosphere was almost contagious. We were soon joined by our friends. It was so much fun to be a part of such razzmatazz and waiting in anticipation.

Precisely at 9:30 PM, the concert got over with anthem and what followed is simply inexplicable. It was spectacular fireworks show and of an outstanding quality. As if, I was watching stars dancing to form amazing symmetry, with superb timing and classic colour combinations. Smoke was smudging all the colours and soon the sky turned into a vibrant canvas. It made a breathtaking view on the backdrop of river. The show lasted for around 20 minutes and earned non-stop claps, whistles and a graceful standing ovation from the audience.

We were returning, half moon was shining in the sky and I suspect he was feeling rather lonely and neglected.

Theories et al...

2008-07-13T23:14:00.003-04:00

My in-laws visited us in US and stayed with us for 3 weeks, we had a wonderful time chatting late in the nights, sharing all the family gossips, touring together, visiting places, cooking and eating together. One of the agenda item was to take them to the local library. I was pretty sure that its going to be a hit with Papa.
And I was not wrong. He indeed found the place highly exciting. Very meticulously he went through the entire collection of books and he chose a book titled ‘Drawing the line’. The authors are qualified doctors and more than forty years of experience in the field of children’s development and psychology.

Papa is a man of reasoning and is highly perceptive. He likes to read and analyze everything he reads/learns from its applicability point of view. Lavanya is apple of his eye and he is very particular about her upbringing, her social skills, her learnings (in academic and non academic areas), her habits and every other aspect of her personality.

The book I mentioned above is about an approach to disciplining children, replacing bad habits with appropriate behavior. Papa was sharing some of the experiments from the book and we had an open discussion about the same. He also recommended that I read that book.

Now, I have strong apprehensions when it comes to theories regarding human behavior. I do agree that these theories are propagated only after studying large enough sample size of correct demographics by experts who have exceptional hands-on experience. Also, another point is, just like any other mother, I too would like a disciplined and well behaved child. So any help in that area is welcome.

BUT, I hesitate to go by theories and follow them in real life for a few reasons.

Firstly, such experiments are performed in a controlled environment. They follow the principle of ‘ceteris paribus’ – The cause and effect relationship is established everything remaining constant. But in real life, that situation is rare. Lavanya behaves differently when she is hungry and when she is well-fed or when she is sleepy and when she is alert/energetic. Children (even grown ups) get largely impacted by social circumstances, weather conditions, their health and various other parameters. So what happens in such scenarios? Do you stick to the theories?

Second, Experiments are required to be performed consistently. Any inconsistency there, children are bound to be confused. This also means, parents need to be highly diligent about performing these experiments in order to achieve desired results. Somehow I feel, none of these theories ever account for parents’ varying physical and mental conditions. Parents are always expected to wear a cap of ‘super- parents’ - always charged up, happy and in a positive frame of mind. So do these theories have scope for parents to feel low, sick, tired, irate? I don't know…

Thirdly, I believe, even before they are borne, children have a basic genetic structure which greatly influences what kind of human being they are going to turn into. For eg some of them are highly communicative, responsive and social even as an infant and some are shy, less responsive and introvert. So they are going to respond differently to such experiments.

Forthly, I have realized for many theories, there are counter theories which are exactly opposite the original version(or at least that’s how I have understood them). And that has only added to my confusion.

Now an honest disclaimer- This is noway meant to challenge any theory or any authority. I am sure, they have studied enough to support their findings. But these concerns refrain me from following these theories in totality. As a parent, I have always felt skeptical about how I am brining up my child. Now, she is 3 and a highly vulnerable phase of her life has begun. I am aware that whatever she encounters in next 3 to 4 years, that’s going to stay with her for her lifetime. This thought makes me nervous and sometimes burdened with responsibilities.

So, I have devised a very simple rule for myself. I call it an ‘intent test’. Every time, I have a dilemma about what do, I try to figure out what my final intent is– ‘Why am I doing, what I am doing’ and will it lead to what I desire. I am no expert to claim that this rule is a sure shot formula, but it surely is less complicated, has a lot more predictability in terms of my behavior and easy on all of us.

So I put on a brave face, secretly cross my fingers and ignore all the parenting books which come my way.

'जाडों की नर्म धूप'

2008-06-19T17:47:00.004-04:00

There is this song from the movie 'Mausam' - Dil dhoondhata hai phir vahi furasat ke raat din - a brilliant creation of Gulzaar (lyricist), Madan Mohan (composer) and Lata-Bhupender (singers). The first stanza in that song goes like this...

जाडों की नर्म धूप और आँगन में लेटकर
आंखों पे खींचकर तेरे आँचल के साये को

Gulzaar's style is very very unique. The moment you listen to the song, you know its his. His poetic skills are highly influenced by his north Indian roots and his upbringing during partition era. As a poet he knows how to present a thought with apt yet subtle words. His sensitivity as a human being is all over his poems like a signature. Anyway more on Gulzaar, some other time. I am a huge fan of his work and would not want to do injustice.

Coming back to 'जाडों की नर्म धूप'..... Somehow, I could never understand this term very well. I have been brought up in Bombay and for us winter (जाड़ा) only means less of summery heat and wearing light cardigans for the sake of fashion. So for me, this always remained a mysterious expression. Whenever I would listen to that song, I would yearn to understand that expression fully.

Then I met Neeraj (my husband now) who has spent his entire childhood in cities like Jaipur, Udaipur, Bhopal, Nagpur. Once over the cup of coffee, we were discussing Gulzaar and I told him about my inability to fully comprehend this concept of 'जाडों की नर्म धूप'. And man, He had so many stories to tell me about his childhood - late winter afternoons, coming abck from school on a cycle, sitting on a 'खटिया' in a backyard and munching away 'गुड-चना'. He went on and on and on. He tried his best to recreate that wonderful experience for me and I thought I probably understood what he meant. Though, I knew it was still not complete for me.

A couple of years later, we went to Uttaranchal. That state has been gifted abundant natural and unspoilt beauty. That was early February and we were on our way from Parwanoo to Kufri. Our car was going up the hill through a Ghat. At one of the turn, we could see Beas riverbed, a few thousand feet below. We wanted to take a picture so we got off the car.

We stood just above the valley, quietly inhaling tranquility. It was cold but chilly. I was being tenderly wrapped in the warmth of the Sun. Wind was blowing in whispers and Eureka......

I discovered what Gulzaar meant by 'जाडों की नर्म धूप'.

My senses will never forget that experience.

Cacophony of nursery rhymes

2008-06-18T23:33:00.002-04:00

When Lavanya started talking clearly - when she turned 2, she wanted to learn newer and more nursery rhymes. Till such time, nursery rhymes meant some music for her to dance on. Except a few simpler ones like ‘Twinkle-Twinkle’ or ‘Johny- Johny’ which she could sing for herself.
There was another change this time, she also would want to know the meanings of these poems so that she could do corresponding actions while reciting these poems.
It started with ‘Jack ‘n’ Jill’ who go up the hill, Jack falls down and breaks his crown. Now for a 2 year old, it was too much of a shock to realize that head can be broken too, just like her toys. The word ‘break’ was known to her only in the context of her toys. So I quickly moved on to the next poem which was ‘Johny-Johny’ in which little Johny lies to his Papa about eating sugar. This one particularly hit me big time.
And there were many more –
- Little thin Johny throws a pussy cat in the well for the heck of it (though the poem ends with a confession that it’s a naughty thing to drown a pussy cat)
- Knave of hearts steal tarts made by Queen of hearts
- Humpty dumpty - so badly fallen down, he could never be mended
- Salmon Brundy dies on Saturday and is buried on Sunday(imagine a child enacting this song)
- Miss Muffet who got frightened by the spider who simply sat beside her.
- This one tops the list. The poem ‘Rock-a-bye baby’ is actually about how blowing wind breaks the bough and the nest (has mother birdie and little birdie inside) falls down from the broken branch
- London bridge is falling down…
- Pussy cat upon her visit to London frightened the little mouse under the chair
- Georgie Porgie who kissed the girls and made them cry
- Old man bumps his head so hard that he couldn't get up in the morning

Now, please understand, I have no problem with things like falling down, getting frightened, breaking things etc. I strongly believe, life is all about falling down, getting up gracefully and running the race. Neither do I want to make Lavanya some kind of a ‘Macho’ who never gets scared and wears mask of a ‘brave girl’. Fear is as much a human (though not natural and instinctive) emotion as love or sorrow.
What I don’t agree with the way these things are bundled with innocence, fun and laughter. For eg. ‘Salomon Brundy’ is not the way I would like to introduce Lavanya to the concept of death OR I don’t want her to think that Spider is a frightening creature. Nursery rhymes aught be about sun, moon, stars, rivers, leaves, trees, flowers, music, dance and every other goodness that life has to offer.
Of course, for our benefit, we have some simpler explanations for these and such poems. Which as of now she believes and acts accordingly. For eg. When we read ‘Georgie Porgy’ poem, she tells the character of ‘G-P’ , ‘Don’t trouble those girls Georgie, they are your friends’ or in the video of ‘London bridge’ when she sees the bridge collapsing and the scared people running all over, she tells them ‘don’t worry, we will rebuild it’.
So temporarily the problem is taken care of. Hopefully when she grows up a bit more, she would be able to understand these poems in a different light. Hopefully by then, she would be mentally prepared to face the world as it is.
But as of now, her world is bright and happy.

हाथ छूटे भी तो रिश्ते नही छोड़ा करते ...

2008-06-16T19:23:00.006-04:00

Long ago, when I was in school (it actually seems like long ago), I used to have this friend K, she used to study in my school. We were not in the same class so our interaction was limited to our walk to and from school. She used to stay close to my house and used to walk down to school (about 2 km away). And I voluntarily used to walk down only for the sake of her company. I was almost fascinated by her. There was a certain ‘tom-boyish - I-don’t-care’ kind of image of hers and I guess that drew me towards her. May be a part of me wanted to become like her and hence all the fascination. We used to walk around like pals, literally hand in hand. She was very happy with herself. I simply adored her for how she used to be at ease with the kind of quizzical looks she would receive. On the holidays, I would look for some excuse to visit her and simply have some un-purposeful chat session. Being with her used to give me a secured feeling - as if no one can harm me. School got over and we drifted apart. Went to different colleges, chose completely different non-intersecting paths... and we just lost each other. Once in a while we would bump into each other and except exchanging a few 'how-r-u's', there wouldn’t be anything much to discuss. It kept on bothering me, but I learnt to live with it.

There was another such individual - C. He was a man about 12 years older to me -though hardly came across like one - distantly related to me. I met him at a relative's house. This was when I had started my graduation and was confused with life, my future plans etc. - a typical teen-age syndrome. He was (and still is) a professor of English Literature. We used to have long chats -about the books we have read, about my friends, about cricket, about movies - about anything, everything and sometimes nothing. He gave me an enormous confidence, made me spot my own strengths; it was then I knew that I am going to do my MBA. Then due to some family problem my relationship with him came to an abrupt end; without even saying proper good-bye.
I remember many more such people - with whom I have spent beautiful moments of life, who have impacted me in a big or small way. But above all, these people are a link to my life that’s gone by, to my childhood, to my school days. On some quiet, vulnerable evening, I think of them, I miss them and with teary eyes, I desperately long to meet them - with a hope that we could start off again from where we left...

Gulzaar has written these beautiful lines sung by Jagjit Singh. I almost choke up, every time I hear them.

हाथ छूटे भी तो रिश्ते नही छोड़ा करते,
वक्त की शाख से लम्हे नही तोडा करते ...

Pakoda night

2008-06-14T14:59:00.003-04:00

Every once in a while, we decide to celebrate Pakoda night. As the name suggests, it simply means preparing Pakodas in abundance (logic is, we should have lot of leftovers for the next day) and relishing them till the point your stomach doesn’t give warning signals.
Always, without a single exception, it’s initiated by my husband Neeraj and he dutifully owns the whole task. It begins with he declaring on one Saturday morning (this feast is generally reserved for Saturday nights) “Let’s make Pakodas tonight” and I obediently (rather happily) nod.
Today we decided to make assorted veggie pakoda platter - potato, onion, cauliflower, capsicum, spinach and brinjal (highlight of the evening being stuffed mirchi pakodas).
So firstly the fridge was explored for available veggies and for whatever is not available , we rushed to Stop n Shop. He carefully picked up capsicum (just the right ones, not too small-not too large). Back home, he started with chopping them-with newly sharpened knife, exactly of shape, size and form he wants. After he was done with each of them, they were kept properly in separate containers.
I was not allowed to interfere (not even with suggestions). My only job remaining was to cook dinner for Lavanya and feed her. Because there was no way, she would have had only Pakodas in her dinner.

Once everything was chopped and ready to be fried, the time was to prepare batter – tasty enough and with the right consistency. While that was happening, oil was being heated. Now the real test started, because pakodas were being fried (after carefully checking right temp. of oil) and once done were being patted by tissue paper but I can’t still eat them because we want to eat together.
By this time my stomach has started growling and mind is losing all the control. But I know waiting is worth it. After everything is fried and chat masala is sprinkled Pakodas are ready. We sit down (literally) - because that’s the only way you can enjoy them. There is freshly ground coriander chutney which adds zing to the whole thing.
We start eating in complete silence… there is no time to waste on frivolous words like ‘wahhhh’ or ‘superb’ etc… It can be understood from our facial expressions, as if we have attained Nirvana.

PS: Now if you are wondering, this whole thing was about Pakodas, then you have missed the point. Pakodas are meant to be yummy and irresistible anyways.
What I want to highlight here is the way Neeraj went about preparing them. Just like everything else he does, this job too, was handled very meticulously. Giving his 100% - selecting right ingredients, chopping them, arranging them and most importantly dedicating more than couple hours on a Sunday evening so that whatever he has undertaken, gets completed to meet his expectations.
This quality of his has marveled me since the time I have known him closely. There is no ‘chalta hai’ in his dictionary. He firmly believes that shortcut will always result in shoddy job and he hates anything less than perfect. Even if it means going through all the grill. This applies to everything he does at home and at work – be it making a PowerPoint presentation or writing an email or ironing clothes or wrapping gifts… At Mastek, we called this value 'Pride in work'. There is no greater or lesser important job. For him everything deserves certain amount of focus and sincerity and no matter what, he will not compromise at that. That for me, is an attitude of a winner.